Oh what a tangled web we weave...

When I was growing up, the worst sin you could commit in our family was to lie. I remember numerous occasions where I was caught in a lie and was given the speech. You know, the "we're more upset that you lied than that you (insert crime of the day here)" speech. Lying was a big deal - it eroded away the trust of others and cast serious doubt on your character.

I am continually amazed at the ease with which some people can lie. Whether it is a politician (*cough*Jim Doyle*cough*), a student, or a friend, the casual way that people put forth blatant untruths can floor me. But my biggest shock comes from the honesty of my own son. Seriously, this kid rats himself out on a regular basis.

Just today, Little J proceeded to smack me in the head with a badminton racket. (I don't know how he got his hands on it - yeah, I'm a bad mom. Before the hitting started, he was using it as a guitar and looked pretty cute!) Of course I took it away from him and the predictable tantrum followed. In between screams and while dodging flying limbs, I asked Little J if I gave him the racket back, was he going to hit me with it? He answered "yes". Thanks for the info kid, I think I'll put it away now. This was not an isolated incident - you can ask him anything and he will give you an honest answer.

WM: Little J, if I let you play with the ball, are you going to throw it in the house?
Little J: Yes I am.
WM: If your friends come over, are you going to share your Thomas toys?
Little J: No I not.

It even extends to notifying me of any misbehavior I might have missed. Anytime a conversation starts with "Mommy, look what I did/have", I have to brace myself for the worst. Crayon covered walls, ketchup on the rug, my make-up all over the bathroom.

It makes me wonder if this is a normal part of child development, this honesty. At what age do we learn to deceive? At what age does the desire for self-preservation or self-gratification take over? Hopefully, not too soon. In the meantime, I'll enjoy having that heads-up before I get whacked with a racket.

News Nausea

If you are a Wisconsin resident, you are painfully aware of the Brendan Dassey trial that went to the jury today. For those of you visiting from other states, you can get the back-story here. His trial (and that of his uncle, Steven Avery) has led every news report for what seems like an eternity.

I admit to being a bit of a trial junkie. Perhaps because I had once considered becoming a lawyer, I grew up watching LA Law and still love shows like Law and Order. When I have the opportunity to see snippets of a real trial, I sit spellbound in front of my TV. But not this time. I have found both of the trials that have resulted from this unimaginable crime some of the most disturbing footage I have ever seen. The descriptions of the horrific acts that these men perpetrated against their victim are graphic and upsetting enough on their own. But it’s not the graphic testimony that is giving me nightmares and makes me physically nauseous. It’s the embodiment of pure evil that is being exhibited in the form of these two defendants.

I grew up Catholic. We went to CCD – our church’s version of Sunday School except it was on Saturday morning. We learned the basics about evil – the whole Devil banished from Heaven story. But there was not a lot of depth to it – even as we got older. I took a few classes in college that addressed evil, specifically ones relating to the Holocaust and Salem Witch Trails, but those left me with more questions than answers. My first teaching job was for a principal who, for sport I guess, would choose a couple of new teachers each year and make their lives hell. She would single them out and ridicule them in staff meetings, give them bad reviews, not support them with parents, you name it. She would keep it up until they either quit or she could gather enough “evidence” to fire them. I can remember the art teacher telling me that her experience with this principal had resulted in her doing quite a bit of reading on the subject of evil because she couldn’t come up with another explanation for why someone would be so cruel.

I realize my principal example pales in comparison to the acts being described in the Avery/Dassey trials or the atrocities perpetrated in the Holocaust. But all of these leave me desperately wanting to understand WHY? HOW? Is there such a figure as the devil? For me, that would be the preferable answer. Someone to blame, someone to battle. Someone who takes a person over and makes them do horrible things. But I fear that is too easy of an answer. More difficult to accept is the notion that this kind of evil is possible in any person. Possibly in every person. Even in the heart of a teenage boy like Brendan Dassey. To me, that is more chilling than anything any horror movie could come up with. It haunts my dreams. And it makes me turn the channel, so I don’t have to acknowledge that I have no clue how to protect my little boy from something that I don’t even understand myself.

Perhaps a career in fire-fighting is in the cards.

After a tour of the local fire station today, Little J was invited to take a turn "driving" the fire engine. It made his day, big time.

An open letter to my friends and family...

Dear Friends and Family,

Please stop asking me when I am going to have another baby. I currently have my hands full, no make that MORE than full, with the last child I squeezed out. I am just beginning to have a life (well, sort of) again, my two broken ribs (from an especially hard in-utero kick) have stopped predicting when it will rain, and I think I can safely say that the PPD hell has finally subsided. Frankly, I'm just not itching to jump back into all that again.

And when you start making disparaging comments about only children in an effort to guilt me into having another, please stop and remember that I AM AN ONLY CHILD. Or are you trying to send a whole other message there?

Besides, I find it a rather personal issue and don't feel like discussing my reproductive plans in line at the Pick-n-Save. Unless you are planning on offering me free nanny services - back off on this issue - for your own safety if nothing else.

Sincerely,
Wisconsin Mommy

PS - My mother, who takes care of little J several times a week, totally understands what a challenge another baby would pose right now and recently told me that she would think I was nuts if I got pregnant right now. Words of wisdom.

April??? It's April already???

I didn't realize how long I had been MIA until I noticed the date of my last post! My apologies to anyone who has dropped by WM only to be greeted with the same post over and over again.

The last month has flown by - we've weathered two bouts of stomach flu (little J's and mine), numerous sinus infections that are apparently of the antibiotic-resistant type, and will be visiting the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) doctor shortly to discuss tubes and possible adenoid removal. Little J has quite a bit of fluid in his ears and noisy nose breathing, so I'm guessing he inherited my humongo adenoids and tiny Eustachian tubes. Poor kid. I hope recovery does not require a quiet stint on the couch as I haven't been able to keep little J down for a rest even when he is feeling at his worst.

We have also completed the transition to the BBB - Big Boy Bed. This was a HUGE deal, as little J is not very fond of change. Gone are the cute little blue and green frogs and the crib. Now little J has a room full of boats and a huge looking twin bed. For a child who could completely fill his crib, he sure does look small in his bed!